What is a Stepparent ?

A stepparent is defined by negatives. You are not a biological parent, you don't look like your stepchildren. You haven't always been there if you come onto the scene after the kids become cognizant of their situation (i.e. older than three or four). The step kids may harbor suspicions that you're only there to be with their parent and that they're excess baggage that you were generous enough to assume responsibility for though you'd prefer that they were not there. Your authority isn't something they grew up with, it has to be established. All the agreements with your spouse about what you can and can't do may go out the window when one of the kids pushes back. The rest of the family may have set up established patterns of behavior between each other that you are not aware of until you are actually living with them. Discussions with your spouse may not fully capture the step kids actual experiences in their lives. One of the kids may have had a "bad" relationship with their father or you may just accept the idea that things at home were "not good" and see yourself as a healer. No matter how much time you spend with your new spouse and the step kids before you get married, you really will not have a full comprehension of what forces are in play between you, your spouse and kids.

The answer to my question "What is a stepparent" is answered by enumerating the qualities you have to possess. Flexibility is one of the primary characteristics of a good stepparent. The flip side is you can't be a pushover. You have to be supportive of the kids but it can't be forced, kids see right through that. I think being a stepparent is like being a tight rope walker with on the job training being the only preparation. How do you get to the other side? Thats the question for the next in this series.

Hollywood Misfires Badly

Hollywood is desperate to tap into the hipster indie film sensibility. Little Miss Sunshine (a pointless film saved by good performances by a couple of the cast) gave the execs a hint that clever quirky films can make money. Now if there was just a way to tap into the aging Harry Potter youth audience and make an "indie" film.... enter Juno, a film that is inexplicably getting rave reviews. Its the story of an impossibly precocious teen who happens to get pregnant, and like, finds these, like people, to like, adopt her baby. The great travesty of this film is the teen dialogue, clearly written by an adult trying excruciatingly hard to talk "their" language. Remember your parents saying "groovy" back in the 60s? This twaddle is worse. After about an hour of Juno (played by Ellen Page) wisecracking about her pregnancy, the film takes a serious turn. Only then do you begin to see the cartoon characters come to life. Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner are wasted. Michael Cera is underused. Clearly some of these actors have talent, its a shame the script wasn't more respectful of their abilities. My theater was full and the laughs were few and far between.

Marching in DC

In this city of marches, I'm not much of a marcher but yesterday I walked in the Help the Homeless walkathon to raise money for a myriad of DC area homeless charities. I've only become involved with the homeless issue in the past couple years. Like the community it serves, the service providers are a disparate group- churches, non-profits, grass roots volunteer organizations and just people like me who help out on a regular basis while not representing a larger organization. It was great to see 30,000 people come together on a cold (for Washington) Autumn day to walk three miles and raise around 8 million dollars for the various homeless charities. I'm always skeptical about how much money goes to the actual charities for events like this, but the people who work at my program, The Dinner Program for Homeless Women, www.dphw.org , assure me that this event is one of their most important sources of funding. We walked along the Potomac for a brief period yesterday, near the Tidal Basin, the leaves brilliantly changing color and still clinging to branches despite high winds on Thursday. One of the good things about the abysmal leadership in America the past few decades is that people don't expect the government to help out very much. Its down to us from here on out I think. This march started 20 years ago with 150 people from Fannie Mae. 30,000 people working on this issue ought to be able to make some difference. Lets hope so.

Pan's Labyrinth

Its been out on DVD for a while but I just saw Pan's Labyrinth. In the past year I've watched all three Lord of the Rings movies and the latest Harry Potter. All very entertaining fantasy movies that can be enjoyed by the entire family with the requisite moral lessons and fascinating (at least for kids in most cases) special effects. Pan's Labyrinth is a much different type of fantasy and decidedly for adults only. Set in 1940s Fascist Spain, a young girl tries to follow her mystical destiny while the adults around her are engaged in a deadly game of cat and mouse. She has a desperate mother, a cruel stepfather who is a Fascist officer, and a maid who is working for the rebels. Its a tough movie to watch with a lot of overt cruelty but I don't feel it is a sad movie. The type of movie that is interesting to talk about afterwards if you see it with someone else.

Edward Hopper at the National Gallery

The National Gallery here in DC has two pretty big shows on this fall: J.M.W. Turner and Edward Hopper. I'm sure that in the Pantheon of High Art, Turner is afforded greater status than Hopper but as an American, I prefer Hopper. Apparently a few folks agree with me because the show was packed on a Thursday afternoon. Though he's best known for Nighthawks (at left), his paintings of seaside dwellings in Maine and on Cape Cod (below center) and his depiction of light in these settings is also wonderful. His urban work like Nighthawks and Automat (below right) effectively contrast isolation with the physical environment of the city. In his pictures, there seems to be less isolation in a seemingly empty house in Maine than at a lunch counter in the city. There is also a small selection of his sketches on display. The one below left is an excellent example. A very good show.

My Mid-Life Crisis

I know she's all wrong for me. I don't like women with tattoos and the hair is all over the place and ..well.. I love her anyway. I haven't mentioned music in this blog very much. I like a lot of different kinds of music but not being a musician or musically inclined, I'm really just a listener. Amy Winehouse's record, Back to Black, however, hit me between the eyes and I'm still listening to it quite frequently. She is apparently very unstable with tabloid stories full of domestic violence directed at her husband and plenty of drinking. Its weird I know but I think my life would be better if she was chasing me around the apartment with a butcher knife, screaming and crying, accusing me of running around on her. Hmmm...maybe I need counseling...nah...kids, meet my new wife!!!

Michael Clayton

I just got back from seeing the latest George Clooney picture, Michael Clayton. Its a very predictable legal thriller but an excellent film nonetheless. Clooney plays a "fixer" at a prestigious New York law firm. He knows who to call to get things swept under the rug. He's a divorced father with a history of gambling problems and seems to have tense relationships with his siblings as well. He's at a crossroads in his life when he becomes entangled in some sleazy corporate intrigue. Everything is resolved in standard Hollywood fashion but before that happens you get to see truly great acting from Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Sydney Pollack, and Tilda Swinton. A movie for grown-ups about hard choices and living with yourself. I loved it.

As Winter Approaches...

daily Katrina
stranded on cold hard benches
rescuers float by

More Forgiveness

Last night I watched an interesting film, Red Road , a prize winner at the Cannes film festival. Its set in the most depressing place I've ever seen depicted in a film: modern day Glasgow. It really seems even bleaker than the urban setting of Children of Men which was suppose to be set in a type of futuristic hell related to but distant from our own time. The story is about a woman who seeks an elaborate revenge against a man who accidentally (while high on crack) kills her husband and child. Katie Dickie, who I've never seen before, plays the woman in an excellent performance. She reclaims her humanity in the end thus my title but there are some excruciating scenes that capture the depth of her loss. The director and writer are also able to capture the pain and frustration of the aimless youths that populate this urban landscape. A very good film but not an easy movie to watch.

In Praise of Television?

I recently lived for 18 months without a TV and didn't think that I missed it very much. I watched DVDs on the computer, read a lot of books, and got a lot of exercise; all good things. When I moved into my current apartment, I treated myself to a nice 37" inch flat panel HDTV. I still don't watch too much TV but there are a couple of things that are great in HD: sports and nature shows. The only show I'm really hooked on is Sunrise Earth on the Discovery Channel's HD channel. Its simply sunrises in beautiful settings without narration just ambient noise. The image above (Yellowstone) is from the show. Every morning between 7-8 I eat my breakfast and watch most of the show. My neighborhood is a long way from Yellowstone or the Everglades and watching something on TV is no substitute for seeing and exploring on your own but these images certainly help me get in a better frame of mind before leaving for work.

Dimethyltryptamine

My stepson got me interested in underground hip hop. I don't know about the politics/conspiracy aspect of this video but I think the images and rhymes are indicative of the creativity thats out there. Warning: Violent content

How to Start an Argument

I'm definitely in one of my film cycles. I've seen a bunch of movies in the theater this summer and am starting to get back into DVDs at home. The documentary Forgiving Dr. Mengele is the story of a Holocaust survivor who, along with her twin sister, was subjected to experimentation at the hands of Dr. Mengele. She decided a few years ago to publicly forgive Mengele for what he did to her and to all Jews. Her audacity sets off a firestorm in the survivor community. How can she do this? Both sides air their feelings and its impossible, at least for me, to say who is right and who is wrong. I've discussed the film with two Christian friends: one a fundamentalist and the other I would describe as a humanist. Unsurprisingly, they were of different opinions but I was surprised by how animated they were about the topic: what is forgiveness and what are you doing when you forgive someone? I think the answer for each person is found in their own perception of God. A loving God forgives us our sins so who are we not to forgive each other? A sterner God expects us to follow his rules and if not, justice will be meted out in the afterlife. You can be forgiven if you repent but if not, watch out. This film is an excellent conversation starter if you're with people who can remain rational.

The Lives of Others

The German film The Lives of Others was, I believe, the winner of this years Academy Award for best foreign film. Its now out on DVD and I was able to view it a few weeks ago. Despite a recommendation from a friend when it was playing in DC, I passed on it in the theater. It is a great film. Its set in East Germany in 1984 and involves the surveillance of a respected playwright who has never been involved or suspected of being involved in "subversive" anti-socialist activity. The interest of the Stasi (East German secret police) is more personal for the characters involved. The acting is tremendous. The story operates on the most intimate level of its characters as well as on the larger political world. The people who made the film balance these two themes as well as any high wire walker. It would be easy for it to become a heavy handed political drama or a silly melodrama. It doesn't happen. The best film I've seen this year. Some have compared it to Coppola's 1974 film The Conversation with Gene Hackman, another great film. I won't say which I think is better but Coppola's is more about the personal toll on the Hackman character and while The Lives of Others has that element as well, it's story development is broader than just the surveillance. Any lessons my fellow Americans want to take away from the film about the need to keep vigilant about government intrusion to maintain an open society, they are free to take but I'll limit this post to the film itself.

Nerds on a Quest, Part II

Movies on back to back days!! It must be Summer. Today I went to see another film: Superbad. This movie had a lot in common with the Potter picture: young people grappling with serious issues and learning tough life lessons. Three not so cool high school seniors try to get alcohol so they can get girls drunk and have sex with them. Its fairly good natured actually from the people who brought you the mildly amusing 40 Year Old Virgin and the so-so early Summer hit Knocked Up . I never need to see it again but I wasn't robbed either. Like many an after school special, it also provides kids with a few truths about life. The first one is that nerds can get laid even without alcohol and secondly, that sex with drunk people is gross. So if you've already taken the kids to Ratatouille , I strongly recommend Superbad.

PhD in Cynicism Earned, Frat House Pledgemaster Heads Home

Politics attracts a very low class of people. It becomes a game: how to manipulate the images that the public sees so that you remain in office. It eventually exhausts itself in the second term of a Presidency and the end is never pretty. Clinton's pardons come to mind. Bush's failed Presidency with all its deceit and overseas chaos will be far worse. Clinton seems quaint. The Washington Post had an article today about how much the Hillary Clinton campaign admires Karl Rove. The media in Washington are so enamored of whoever is in power they all just breathlessly repeat how "powerful" a White House adviser Karl Rove was. The current crop of journalists just swoon when they get access to any huckster who favors them with inside information. Blecchhh!!! I would say something about how I can't wait for 1-20-09 but I'm afraid thats just the beginning of another cycle of corruption. It'll have a little different flavor but it'll have a very familiar odor.

Wolfgang Tillmans

The Hirshhorn here in DC has had a very well reviewed exhibit by the German photographer Wolfgang Tillmans. It closed on August 12 (today) so I went to see it yesterday. The subject matter and display seem to share a lot with life in our times. There's almost too much to take in during one visit. Sometimes photographs are displayed too far up the wall to accurately see them. Tabloid headlines and newspaper articles are blown up to unnatural sizes. Casual portraits of everyday life: lovers, hanging out, and some poses are interspersed throughout. Its diverse but not incoherent, almost as if the artist has taken these things to his heart and the centrifugal force of life has thrown them on the walls. Tillmans also seems to be responding to our deluge of information. The blow ups of headlines and news articles force you to read the troubling stories. Stuffed into the daily fishwrapper, they're easily forgotten or dismissed. When they're five feet high, their content can't be ignored. I'm glad I caught the exhibition and of course a lot of his work can be seen on the Web.

Inventor Frees People from Burden of Walking

Initially I thought the Segway was ridiculous but now I understand they can be useful for some people with MS and for police who have to patrol large areas without a car (an airport for example). I still don't see how useful they are for the average pedestrian since there isn't room on sidewalks for everyone to use one and all they seem to do is replace walking which is the only exercise most people get in an average day. I see them all the time because my evening bus stop is right next to the DC Segway store. People are always going out for a test drive. They move a lot faster than I thought they would and I have to admit I have never seen a collision with a pedestrian. My question is: do we really need an invention that replaces walking? The picture is of a commencement speaker who entered the auditorium on a Segway as an example of ideas that change the world. We'll see.

Sunshine

I took the day off today and went to the movies. There really isn't much out there that I wanted to see but one of the local art theaters is showing Sunshine from the director of Trainspotting. Its about a space voyage to try to restart our slowly dying sun with a huge nuclear payload but its really a "lifeboat" story about the crew. Interesting moral questions are raised and the special effects are good but don't overwhelm the story. It gets needlessly bloody toward the end as if the filmmaker or writer seemed unsure how to conclude without losing the gravitas (not unlike 2001). It fails ultimately but its a good attempt at a very good movie and I'm satisfied with that since most filmmakers or studios don't even try. I'm glad I saw it.

America's Psychosis Reaches Crescendo

This picture is from a theme park in Florida (apparently conveniently located near Disney World) called the Hold Land Experience. My understanding is that they reenact the crucifixion 6 days a week for the edification of the park visitors. Some things require no additional comment.

Roll Grandpa Down Front!!

The Washington Post has had a couple articles on the start of the school year at Virginia Tech and the need for "healing". Apparently two things are going to assist in this process: a concert with big name acts and the football season. Now I don't know any of the victim's families or their close friends but I doubt if they are going to be "healed" by attending a Dave Matthews concert or watching the football team. I can't imagine that there is even one parent or brother or sister or grandparent who is going to feel less genuine grief over their loss if the Hokies contend for the national championship. If the Hokies have a bad season will it add to the grief? The people who have been most affected by the violence at VT are the immediate family and close friends of the victims. Concerts and football do nothing to help them. The number of people directly impacted at VT is large, it was an unusually large number of victims for a violent crime, but to think that a concert or the football season is going to ease their pain is to trivialize their grief.

The picture is of a faith healer who specializes in dentistry and not of Dave Matthews who, for all I know, is a decent guy trying to do something to help the VT community. Most of this rant is against the media who seem to have an insatiable thirst for trivializing and emotionalizing serious situations . People also seem to have this strange desire to tangentially participate in a tragedy by wearing ribbons, school colors, or displaying bumper stickers in the name of solidarity with the victims. Huh? Maybe its a symptom of the powerlessness people feel that they resort to such meaningless behavior. Do people really feel that VT, Columbine, and innumerable other acts of mass killing by guns are an unavoidable part of life in America? Thats probably the subject for another post.

On the River in the Morning

At least a few times a year, I take a kayak out on the Potomac in the morning. I'd like to do it weekly in the Spring through the Fall but that rarely works out. The Potomac is MUCH cleaner than our other river, The Anacostia, and there is quite a bit of wildlife on its shores and on Roosevelt Island. I've seen many turtles, snakes, and blue herons, all in the shadow of the Lincoln Memorial. The channel on the VA side of Roosevelt Island is particularly peaceful (narrow and shallow so no boaters or rowers). This morning though I went the other way, above the Key Bridge, and found a young heron sitting on a branch. This was as close as I got.

Great DC places

I love visiting the National Zoo. They have a lot of great animals and interesting programs. They have free ranging golden tamarind monkeys in the trees in one area, orangutans swinging between platforms above the zoo visitors (don't stand directly underneath!!) in another. On a recent trip the hippo was in his cage munching away. He's being loaned to another zoo very shortly due to a renovation of his building. I feel like I caught his eye.

What Problem with Sports Stars?

I was going to do a post on how Barry Bonds is the sport superstar we all deserve, an emblem for our age of mendacity, but really its all been said and said again. Its odd how worked up some people get over the eclipsing of a sports record while they seem to have little passion for the deception that has resulted in the deaths of thousands of American soldiers and tens of thousands of Iraqis. Here in DC, we have a baseball team that, by all accounts, is struggling: last place, 3 games behind the erratic Marlins and completely out of the pennant race. During Spring training, the sports press was talking about an "historically bad" season for this team. The pitching was minor league caliber and the line-up had no slugger etc. The coach, Manny Acta, has proven to be tremendous at getting the most out of his players. After a disastrous April, the club has settled in to a good routine of contending in most series they play. Today they play their fourth game of a series against the first place Mets (admittedly suffering from some injuries to key players) and they're guaranteed at least splitting it having won two of the first three. No record setters on this team. Mostly footnotes for sports freaks who obsess over trivia. They seem to just be a bunch of guys grateful to be in the big leagues who enjoy the game. They seem to laugh a lot and celebrate their improbable victories. Baseball is about hope. Sure a lot of times it seems there's two outs in the 9th but the tying run is on deck and if the batter can just beat out that dribbler to short...

I won't cheer for Barry Bonds or denounce him. He just doesn't interest me. A team thats out of the race and still shows up to play, plays hard, loses a lot and comes back the next day with enthusiasm is a much more compelling story. Go Nats!!!

Harry Potter is his Own Mother

Okay so I've ruined the ending of the new book but I really can't understand the phenomenon. I've read page turners with good story lines but I see adults all over Washington walking down the street reading an enormous hard cover book or sitting on the Metro nose deep in the same thing. I've never really been a big fantasy or sci-fi reader and as much as I like fiction, I never felt a fanaticism or attachment for imaginary characters. I just don't get lost in make believe though I will say I've enjoyed the Lord of the Rings movies. They're wildly entertaining. Does Harry age at all? Daniel apparently does.

My Job Does Not Involve Telling the Truth

A new low (for now). We're use to the arrogance and mendacity in foreign policy or at Defense Department briefings but an Attorney General that doesn't understand the importance of telling the truth? Honesty in the Bush administration is not concealing that you're lying and that is indeed a certain type of honesty. If everyone knows I'm lying, am I really lying?

Banksy is My Hero

I couldn't decide on my first post but I did read an article today about the British artist Banksy. I've always admired his stuff. DC had a more adolescent version of this type of performance graffiti artist by the name of Borf who turned out to be a suburban kid from a privileged background, greatly disappointing his followers. Banksy got a lot of attention for his work on The Barrier in the West Bank (included here). I guess it resonates with me because I have a similar world view: peel the onion back a bit and you may see things differently. Washington is a city of fancy expense account restaurants and luxury condos with an army of homeless people who are hired out to clean the baseball stadium after games or to protest at phony union protests for $8 an hour (Washington Post July 24, 2007). Maybe Banksy will sell out (Brad Pitt admires his work too so the clock is ticking) but until then.....