Waltz with Bashir

I'm too old to have been caught up in the recent phenomenon of graphic novels. I read about their popularity and the serious subjects they dealt with, the critical discussions they generated. Its just not a form I was familiar enough to turn to when looking for reading material. I guess Persepolis changed this a little bit but not really. Graphic novels and animation were still Spiderman and Bugs Bunny. The movie I saw yesterday has rather brutally brought me up to date. The animated feature Waltz with Bashir about a soldier's search for his memory is a tour de force of storytelling and art. I won't try to summarize it, just highly recommend it.

Finally....

I rose early for a day off: 5:00 AM. I walked over to Annie's to get a cup of coffee and it was crowded. Not with the denizens of our many gay bars but sober people, bundled for cold and excited to get going. I went back home changed into my LL Bean long underwear (purchased specifically for this day) and headed out. How was I going to cross the parade route to get to my entrance on the other side of the Mall? I took a cab around behind the Supreme Court Building and the driver dropped me by the Capitol South Metro stop. The crowds were already immense and overwhelming but I slowly made my way to a spot above the 3rd street tunnel. There was a line of people going into the tunnel and we yelled down, "What ticket line are you?" and they yelled back "Purple"(a very exclusive ticket). We would find out later that these poor souls would never get to see the Inauguration from their privileged perch. They had been told to stand in line but it was a line to nowhere and no one came to let them in. I had a silver ticket (much less exclusive) and after standing in a cold breeze, cheek to cheek with hundreds of others, I entered the Mall. The crowd size was like nothing Washington has ever seen since I've lived here (20 years). Crowd estimates are a little parlor game here but it was the biggest I've ever seen and I've been here for many 4th of Julys and protests. Everyone seemed to be from out of town. They simply HAD to be here for this great event. I live a dozen blocks from where I was standing but I had to be here too. When Obama's face first appeared on the Jumbotron, people cheered like crazy. It was going to happen and shortly. The crowd was fairly respectful towards Bush and Cheney considering what they were leaving behind and what they had done to our country. The music was beautiful. The biggest laugh was when the announcement was made to "please be seated". The million plus crowd who had been standing there for hours and hours, let out a collective laugh. After the Oath, euphoria. I'm usually not a fan of crowds but it was a celebration of what we can do, how far we've come and a commitment to move forward and to preserve American ideals. We can choose courage rather than fear. The financial crisis has the potential to tear at the fabric of our society (I've got mine, f*** you buddy!!) but I'm hopeful we're better than that and this man will lead us in a better direction. This man is just a man, he's not a savior. We have no right to put that on him. If he fails or stumbles, we've failed or stumbled. We lost our way for a minute. We were in a dark place, we can't go back there. I think in the years ahead we'll shake our heads in disbelief that our government was torturing people and that we cared so little that we elected leaders that violated their oath to "protect and defend the Constitution". Its over for the moment but we have an obligation to be vigilant in holding our elected officials accountable. We were sleeping on Bush and Cheney and Rumsfeld and Addington and Gonzalez and "Brownie" and Rove. They took advantage of our consumption driven lethargy and our post 9-11 fear. America has a knack for getting serious when it needs to and electing great leaders: Lincoln, FDR, and .... I know, I know, thats too much to put on him. It was a beautiful day.

Greatest Stadium Ever...

Okay so some friends in high places gave me a couple of tickets to their seats at the new Nationals stadium and I have to admit it was great. We sat right behind the tarp on the first base side (pictured left during the Braves 4:30 PM game) and the seats in the lower bowl are clearly better than RFK and when you get food you can still watch the action on the field. It still won't be the casual "I think I'll go down to the stadium tonight" place that RFK was for me but if I get good seats, it'll still be fun. It is confirmation of what I said though: seats for rich people are better and seats for the less prosperous fan are worse. I still miss RFK but I can live with the new stadium. I do appreciate all the nice comments from my fellow Nats fans. They're starting to hit their stride and the season should be fun.

Oh Well...The New Nationals Ballpark

For the past three years I've been spending a lot of time at Washington Nationals games. When my spouse was deployed overseas, it was a great diversion to the stress and worry that accompanied that experience. After we separated, it continued to provide that feeling to me. The games at RFK stadium were never sold out, most nights there were 40,000 empty seats. There were thousands of $5 tickets available and you could move to a $20 seat with ease. A family of four could take the kids to see a professional sporting event and get some food for under $50. Obviously the clock was ticking on this arrangement, middle class people and lower middle class people would need to be excluded in the name of revenue generation. Last weekend the new Nationals ballpark was unveiled for the national opener (Boston had already opened the season in Japan). It got great reviews (more food offerings!! fans closer to the field!!, broader concourses!!). They still have $5 tickets but only a few hundred. Fans in the cheap seats are actually further away but rich fans are in fact closer to the field. Two stories of corporate luxury boxes are stacked beneath the cheap seats. Completely predictable but still disappointing to see this manifestation in person. I'll go to some games, but the park won't be the refuge that the old ballpark was for me. In all the hoopla, nobody will stop to think what was lost.

Relationships and Forgiveness

When someone who once loved you now hates you it elicits a strange sensation. For me this is the first time I have ever experienced it. To be clear, we're talking about HATE not annoyance or some type of silly male competition type thing. My soon to be be ex-wife hates me and has tried to destroy the relationships in the world that I value most: those with my step kids and grandkids. This photograph, to me, seems to be the antithesis of hate. I guess dealing with this hatred will be one of the things I'll be considering as my forgiveness group discusses that topic over the course of the rest of the month. Also, I just love this photograph and have been looking for a place to use it.

Stepparenting and Forgiveness

This week I started a four week course on Forgiveness at the local Jewish Community Center. The program uses the film The Power of Forgiveness, about the Amish community's reaction to the school house murders a few years ago, as a starting point for the weekly discussions. My experience with forgiveness is central to my life as a stepparent. I love my stepkids but my stepdaughter had a lot of difficulties in adolescence and a lot of this behavior was destructive and disruptive toward our relationship and toward our family. Because I loved her though, anger could never take root. I spontaneously forgave her as she was inflicting pain on our lives and on her own life. This wasn't a matter of self interest or deliberation for me, it was spontaneous. Could I get to the point where I would forgive someone I don't love? Can our larger community get to a point where it emulates the Amish community? The questions are difficult ones and its interesting that the discussion is taking place at the JCC. The Amish idea of forgiveness is to forgive and forget and not to argue with God. Many in the Jewish community have vowed never to forget. Can you get angry with God? A dear Christian friend says you can and she does. I'm looking forward to the next three weeks. Shalom.

Establishing Yourself

You've married their mother, you've moved in to their house and now how to get yourself established as a member of the family? Your new spouse will tell them "He's part of the family" but that is meaningless. First, be kind. My parents weren't divorced so I never had a stranger move into my house. They're scared. What will change? What will he do or try to make us do? What have we been doing that he won't let us do anymore? Tread lightly. Take some interest in what they find interesting even if its dreadful MTV reality shows or inane hip hop music. I did and found out that I like a lot of hip hop music and that my stepson had pretty high standards for what he listened to. He thought "Bling" or "gangster" rap was ridiculous and he liked the story telling of underground hip hop. My stepdaughter and I would watch MTV reality shows and talk about the characters but we were really talking to each other. It was our main form of communication during the mid teen years. She was to have her struggles later on but when she did, we had a history of communication and, as ridiculous as it seems, it was established watching moronic college aged kids try to live together in luxurious apartments in cool places on MTV's Real World. Also, take time with each child, one on one, as much as possible. I use to always tuck in my stepson when he was small. A quick "goodnight" and a kiss on the forehead is a better way to establish yourself than some arbitrary rules. They're scared and, if you have any sense, you are too. I know I was.

Now Start Juggling...

Another challenging aspect of becoming a stepparent is that you are also just married. You and your new spouse don't really get a period when its just the two of you. The pre-children patterns and conflicts aren't established because you're in an instant family. If you need to have a knock down, drag out fight ( and I mean verbally and even so, no hitting below the belt) and I believe couples do need that, the new stepparent may be reluctant to engage in front of the new step kids. I know I was. It was important to me that my step kids understand that I was there to stay and that the home environment was going to be more stable than what they had been use to. The consequence was that my wife and I sublimated these conflicts for the sake of the kids and it was to the detriment of our marriage. Of course this is all 20/20 hindsight by me and I certainly didn't realize this problem as I was creating it. Its apparent to me that this series is going to be filled with short quick random posts like this one. Thats sort of how my thinking is these days.

What is a Stepparent ?

A stepparent is defined by negatives. You are not a biological parent, you don't look like your stepchildren. You haven't always been there if you come onto the scene after the kids become cognizant of their situation (i.e. older than three or four). The step kids may harbor suspicions that you're only there to be with their parent and that they're excess baggage that you were generous enough to assume responsibility for though you'd prefer that they were not there. Your authority isn't something they grew up with, it has to be established. All the agreements with your spouse about what you can and can't do may go out the window when one of the kids pushes back. The rest of the family may have set up established patterns of behavior between each other that you are not aware of until you are actually living with them. Discussions with your spouse may not fully capture the step kids actual experiences in their lives. One of the kids may have had a "bad" relationship with their father or you may just accept the idea that things at home were "not good" and see yourself as a healer. No matter how much time you spend with your new spouse and the step kids before you get married, you really will not have a full comprehension of what forces are in play between you, your spouse and kids.

The answer to my question "What is a stepparent" is answered by enumerating the qualities you have to possess. Flexibility is one of the primary characteristics of a good stepparent. The flip side is you can't be a pushover. You have to be supportive of the kids but it can't be forced, kids see right through that. I think being a stepparent is like being a tight rope walker with on the job training being the only preparation. How do you get to the other side? Thats the question for the next in this series.

Hollywood Misfires Badly

Hollywood is desperate to tap into the hipster indie film sensibility. Little Miss Sunshine (a pointless film saved by good performances by a couple of the cast) gave the execs a hint that clever quirky films can make money. Now if there was just a way to tap into the aging Harry Potter youth audience and make an "indie" film.... enter Juno, a film that is inexplicably getting rave reviews. Its the story of an impossibly precocious teen who happens to get pregnant, and like, finds these, like people, to like, adopt her baby. The great travesty of this film is the teen dialogue, clearly written by an adult trying excruciatingly hard to talk "their" language. Remember your parents saying "groovy" back in the 60s? This twaddle is worse. After about an hour of Juno (played by Ellen Page) wisecracking about her pregnancy, the film takes a serious turn. Only then do you begin to see the cartoon characters come to life. Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner are wasted. Michael Cera is underused. Clearly some of these actors have talent, its a shame the script wasn't more respectful of their abilities. My theater was full and the laughs were few and far between.

Marching in DC

In this city of marches, I'm not much of a marcher but yesterday I walked in the Help the Homeless walkathon to raise money for a myriad of DC area homeless charities. I've only become involved with the homeless issue in the past couple years. Like the community it serves, the service providers are a disparate group- churches, non-profits, grass roots volunteer organizations and just people like me who help out on a regular basis while not representing a larger organization. It was great to see 30,000 people come together on a cold (for Washington) Autumn day to walk three miles and raise around 8 million dollars for the various homeless charities. I'm always skeptical about how much money goes to the actual charities for events like this, but the people who work at my program, The Dinner Program for Homeless Women, www.dphw.org , assure me that this event is one of their most important sources of funding. We walked along the Potomac for a brief period yesterday, near the Tidal Basin, the leaves brilliantly changing color and still clinging to branches despite high winds on Thursday. One of the good things about the abysmal leadership in America the past few decades is that people don't expect the government to help out very much. Its down to us from here on out I think. This march started 20 years ago with 150 people from Fannie Mae. 30,000 people working on this issue ought to be able to make some difference. Lets hope so.

Pan's Labyrinth

Its been out on DVD for a while but I just saw Pan's Labyrinth. In the past year I've watched all three Lord of the Rings movies and the latest Harry Potter. All very entertaining fantasy movies that can be enjoyed by the entire family with the requisite moral lessons and fascinating (at least for kids in most cases) special effects. Pan's Labyrinth is a much different type of fantasy and decidedly for adults only. Set in 1940s Fascist Spain, a young girl tries to follow her mystical destiny while the adults around her are engaged in a deadly game of cat and mouse. She has a desperate mother, a cruel stepfather who is a Fascist officer, and a maid who is working for the rebels. Its a tough movie to watch with a lot of overt cruelty but I don't feel it is a sad movie. The type of movie that is interesting to talk about afterwards if you see it with someone else.

Edward Hopper at the National Gallery

The National Gallery here in DC has two pretty big shows on this fall: J.M.W. Turner and Edward Hopper. I'm sure that in the Pantheon of High Art, Turner is afforded greater status than Hopper but as an American, I prefer Hopper. Apparently a few folks agree with me because the show was packed on a Thursday afternoon. Though he's best known for Nighthawks (at left), his paintings of seaside dwellings in Maine and on Cape Cod (below center) and his depiction of light in these settings is also wonderful. His urban work like Nighthawks and Automat (below right) effectively contrast isolation with the physical environment of the city. In his pictures, there seems to be less isolation in a seemingly empty house in Maine than at a lunch counter in the city. There is also a small selection of his sketches on display. The one below left is an excellent example. A very good show.

My Mid-Life Crisis

I know she's all wrong for me. I don't like women with tattoos and the hair is all over the place and ..well.. I love her anyway. I haven't mentioned music in this blog very much. I like a lot of different kinds of music but not being a musician or musically inclined, I'm really just a listener. Amy Winehouse's record, Back to Black, however, hit me between the eyes and I'm still listening to it quite frequently. She is apparently very unstable with tabloid stories full of domestic violence directed at her husband and plenty of drinking. Its weird I know but I think my life would be better if she was chasing me around the apartment with a butcher knife, screaming and crying, accusing me of running around on her. Hmmm...maybe I need counseling...nah...kids, meet my new wife!!!

Michael Clayton

I just got back from seeing the latest George Clooney picture, Michael Clayton. Its a very predictable legal thriller but an excellent film nonetheless. Clooney plays a "fixer" at a prestigious New York law firm. He knows who to call to get things swept under the rug. He's a divorced father with a history of gambling problems and seems to have tense relationships with his siblings as well. He's at a crossroads in his life when he becomes entangled in some sleazy corporate intrigue. Everything is resolved in standard Hollywood fashion but before that happens you get to see truly great acting from Clooney, Tom Wilkinson, Sydney Pollack, and Tilda Swinton. A movie for grown-ups about hard choices and living with yourself. I loved it.

As Winter Approaches...

daily Katrina
stranded on cold hard benches
rescuers float by

More Forgiveness

Last night I watched an interesting film, Red Road , a prize winner at the Cannes film festival. Its set in the most depressing place I've ever seen depicted in a film: modern day Glasgow. It really seems even bleaker than the urban setting of Children of Men which was suppose to be set in a type of futuristic hell related to but distant from our own time. The story is about a woman who seeks an elaborate revenge against a man who accidentally (while high on crack) kills her husband and child. Katie Dickie, who I've never seen before, plays the woman in an excellent performance. She reclaims her humanity in the end thus my title but there are some excruciating scenes that capture the depth of her loss. The director and writer are also able to capture the pain and frustration of the aimless youths that populate this urban landscape. A very good film but not an easy movie to watch.

In Praise of Television?

I recently lived for 18 months without a TV and didn't think that I missed it very much. I watched DVDs on the computer, read a lot of books, and got a lot of exercise; all good things. When I moved into my current apartment, I treated myself to a nice 37" inch flat panel HDTV. I still don't watch too much TV but there are a couple of things that are great in HD: sports and nature shows. The only show I'm really hooked on is Sunrise Earth on the Discovery Channel's HD channel. Its simply sunrises in beautiful settings without narration just ambient noise. The image above (Yellowstone) is from the show. Every morning between 7-8 I eat my breakfast and watch most of the show. My neighborhood is a long way from Yellowstone or the Everglades and watching something on TV is no substitute for seeing and exploring on your own but these images certainly help me get in a better frame of mind before leaving for work.

Dimethyltryptamine

My stepson got me interested in underground hip hop. I don't know about the politics/conspiracy aspect of this video but I think the images and rhymes are indicative of the creativity thats out there. Warning: Violent content

How to Start an Argument

I'm definitely in one of my film cycles. I've seen a bunch of movies in the theater this summer and am starting to get back into DVDs at home. The documentary Forgiving Dr. Mengele is the story of a Holocaust survivor who, along with her twin sister, was subjected to experimentation at the hands of Dr. Mengele. She decided a few years ago to publicly forgive Mengele for what he did to her and to all Jews. Her audacity sets off a firestorm in the survivor community. How can she do this? Both sides air their feelings and its impossible, at least for me, to say who is right and who is wrong. I've discussed the film with two Christian friends: one a fundamentalist and the other I would describe as a humanist. Unsurprisingly, they were of different opinions but I was surprised by how animated they were about the topic: what is forgiveness and what are you doing when you forgive someone? I think the answer for each person is found in their own perception of God. A loving God forgives us our sins so who are we not to forgive each other? A sterner God expects us to follow his rules and if not, justice will be meted out in the afterlife. You can be forgiven if you repent but if not, watch out. This film is an excellent conversation starter if you're with people who can remain rational.