Relationships and Forgiveness

When someone who once loved you now hates you it elicits a strange sensation. For me this is the first time I have ever experienced it. To be clear, we're talking about HATE not annoyance or some type of silly male competition type thing. My soon to be be ex-wife hates me and has tried to destroy the relationships in the world that I value most: those with my step kids and grandkids. This photograph, to me, seems to be the antithesis of hate. I guess dealing with this hatred will be one of the things I'll be considering as my forgiveness group discusses that topic over the course of the rest of the month. Also, I just love this photograph and have been looking for a place to use it.

Stepparenting and Forgiveness

This week I started a four week course on Forgiveness at the local Jewish Community Center. The program uses the film The Power of Forgiveness, about the Amish community's reaction to the school house murders a few years ago, as a starting point for the weekly discussions. My experience with forgiveness is central to my life as a stepparent. I love my stepkids but my stepdaughter had a lot of difficulties in adolescence and a lot of this behavior was destructive and disruptive toward our relationship and toward our family. Because I loved her though, anger could never take root. I spontaneously forgave her as she was inflicting pain on our lives and on her own life. This wasn't a matter of self interest or deliberation for me, it was spontaneous. Could I get to the point where I would forgive someone I don't love? Can our larger community get to a point where it emulates the Amish community? The questions are difficult ones and its interesting that the discussion is taking place at the JCC. The Amish idea of forgiveness is to forgive and forget and not to argue with God. Many in the Jewish community have vowed never to forget. Can you get angry with God? A dear Christian friend says you can and she does. I'm looking forward to the next three weeks. Shalom.